'Dad' Fit

A typical game of ‘Guess the Animal’ with Xavier goes a little something like this:

Me:                  Does it have four legs?

Xavier:             Yes.

Me:                  Is it a mammal?

Xavier:             (in a hushed voice) Are tigers mammals?

Me:                  (in a hushed voice)Yes.

Xavier:             Yes, it’s a mammal.

Me:                  Is it a predator?

Xavier:             (in a hushed voice) Are predators the ones that get eaten by carnivores?

Me:                  (in a hushed voice) No. Predators eat other animals.

Xavier:             Yes, it’s a predator.

It is endlessly fascinating understanding the world through the eyes of a four year old. For instance, Xavier thinks that when we get older we’ll need to move into a bigger house, and by bigger, he means taller. From his perspective he gets taller ever year and he doesn’t see that ever stopping, so at some point well need a really tall house.

Only recently he appreciated for the first time that he wouldn’t actually catch up with his older cousin in age. He was looking forward to the day that they would both be six together, but hadn’t considered that with each year his cousin would grow older too. Time, generally, is a bit of a strange concept when you are four. The other day he was really caught out when I was talking to him about a time before I knew Alicia. This was a real surprise to him; the idea that Alicia and I met, and before then we were not together, or more to the point, didn’t live in the same house.

Xavier loves winning and takes losing quite badly (much as I did when I was a child - but I’ve found it’s something you can get used to). He has just started to cheat at snakes and ladders, which is brilliant. I give him plenty of opportunity by looking away and getting distracted when he’s rolling or moving his counter. Alicia says when children start cheating at a game, that’s when you know they really get it and you can start to raise the bar a bit. He cheated at table football yesterday too, and then looked at me squarely to see if I’d noticed. I hadn’t of course.

He doesn’t play with toys that much. At first we both thought this was a bit strange. He doesn’t want for new toys; he has a stash in baskets and cupboards all over the house in almost every room, but it’s as though it rarely crosses his mind to take them out and play with them. But I think the truth is, he is really a social creature and what he prefers is to play with others. So he will play with anything, even if it is just a cardboard box, if we are playing together. Toys, by themselves, do not occupy Xavier for very long.

He totally adores his magic drawers. I have this small old chest with about twelve tiny little drawers in it. They are magic because whenever Xavier does something wonderful, he can open any drawer and he will find something inside. On all other occasions the drawers are magically empty. He chooses the drawer to open and he is always excited to discover what’s inside. He has found sparklers, popping candy, tiny wind-up toys, finger puppets, magnets, a parachute and lots of other fascinating objects that take him off on a curious tangent. The magic drawers came about when I was tidying and found that smaller things, no matter how wonderful, could just get overlooked and lost as they jostled with large, colourful toys, just like plants, competing for space, light and attention.

The world is so different for Xavier to the place I grew up in. His curiosity can drive every moment of his day. You Tube means that all his questions about the baby growing inside Alicia can be answered vividly and on demand. He dives into the ocean to see blue whales giving birth, then travels through time to see dinosaurs fighting over carcasses, then up into the sky to be with astronauts moving about in a weightless space station. There are so many wonderful events to witness from across all of time and space.

He is an active boy too. Only the other day he had been penned in somewhat by the rain and as I tried to talk to him I could see every limb in his body twitch and his eyes darting about - and I stopped myself and realised he is bursting with energy and that now was not the time for talking. When I am in better shape we walk the dogs together and chat along the way. There is always something he's trying to figure out, like what happened to all the even numbered houses on the street or what made that hole in the gound.

With Xavier devouring the world at an incredible pace and finding his place in it, and with another member of our pack on the way, I really want my energy and ‘me-ness’ restored so that I can be everything I want to be to my wonderful family. So that I can be that 'giant' that Xavier thinks I am, still growing skyward. But even when I'm not my best, he understands like a best friend would.