11.27

It’s been a slow morning. Finally, at 11.27, I am conscious enough to react to the news that it is now Monday. 11.36 and I haven’t written anything more. I wasn’t kidding when I said slow morning.

When my eyes opened this morning I was in a place I hadn’t been in for some time. I wrote the other day about inside depression but I had forgotten about this place. It was a place where I felt numb, remote… as though I was there in the room able to hear what was going on around me but nothing more than that. Not able to in interact with the sounds. There is no tension, or sadness, or anything… just numb. It is somewhere between sleeping and waking… somewhere you can sit a while and be something other than yourself.

It’s tempting to stay there… but I won’t getter better if I do stay; best not to get too comfortable. Several long hours and a shower later, I am writing again. I’m guessing it my dose that has brought me to this place. It’s probably too low and I’ll discuss it with my GP later, just to get the go ahead to up it. Bloods. Better go get those bloods tested too so that we can see what’s happening to that thyroid of mine.

So, this is what it feels like to exist, but not live.

It is a small plan for today. But if I manage to achieve it I’ll know it was an accomplishment.