I woke up a great deal earlier today. I've had my little green and yellow capsule this morning and my chunky red one last night. My mind and body feel out of sync.
Since I started taking the chunky red tablet I've been thinking about food a lot. The search for a bowl of cereal is what raised my sedated limbs from the bed this morning. Last night I fell asleep to dreams of chocolate biscuits. Sweet foods dominate my thoughts in a way that I find strange and unfamiliar. I can only imagine this is a consequence of the Quetiapine. This is a bit of a worry, but it is early days on this new medication. Every drug has affected my appetite, citalopram and cymbalta gave me a diminished appetite whilst mirtazapine and fluoxetine raised it. Appetite, like so many other drives, is controlled by chemical switches. Chemical switches which antidepressants tamper with.
I have as much control over my appetite as you have over your bowels. Just consider the way your thinking can be dominated by a need to toilet.
Whilst my body feels knocked out by the sedative effects of Quetiapine, my mind does feel a little calmer. Admittedly I haven't been conscious for much of the time over the last 36 hours, but my waking hours are an improvement. This tranquil white cottage and the spring light is making this a comfortable time for me. This is what it must feel like to be a peg doll living in the opulent paper surroundings of a miniature dolls house, away from the stresses, great and small, of real life.
I'm hoping the lethargy will subside today long enough that I can investigate the landscape around this little cottage and meet some of the horses, whose hooves I've heard echoing through the thick Jurassic walls of this old stone cottage.
Today marks the end of the first trimester, yes, Alicia is now three months into her pregnancy with our second child. Somehow that gives us permission to ratchet up the excitement a notch more. To enjoy the hope that passing time brings as little limbs and organs form against the odds in nature's finest of magic tricks.
Congratulations to all three of you! How exciting!
ReplyDeleteFunny, the fluoxetine diminished my appetite. For the first few weeks, I had no wish to eat at all, I just made myself do it. The effects have worn off, unfortunately and now I'm back to the trough.
Thank you, Ami. Cymbalta did that for me, plus I was punishing myself by not eating ... telling myself I didn't deserve to. I went down to a 29 inch waistline.
DeleteOh Med ...I just don't know what to say :-( I don't like pills, they numb, but don't cure. I so want you to feel happiness, pain, joy, love, compassion, quiet, serenity, laughter, the sound of Xavier squealing with laughter as you chase him in the garden .... for you to feel life, naturally, but if this is what it has to be, then I hope it helps.
ReplyDeleteBut am so pleased for your joyous news, my caring thoughts to you all xx
I want to feel all those things Niecey. Taking psych meds is always an experiment and as problematic as our moods can be, our personality is wrapped up in there too. So I'm taking it with an open mind, I hope, and keeping a close eye on how I'm reacting day to day. I think if it isn't working out I'll be able to talk to someone about it and try a different plan. Fingers crossed eh. Xx
DeleteI agree, my little girl, just 17 has to now start moving into the adult world of mental health and the mental health team. She too has a new 'psychiatrist' and has said this is what she needed all along, 'adult', not the 'younger ''system'' where she would meet with her 'counsellor' who would drain her each time about how she was feeling. This time, two sessions in, she says they actually discuss rather than bleed her of her feelings and 'how she is feeling' - she said it helps to have someone to discuss but also perhaps interventions, thought processes and coping strategies when it starts getting tough.
ReplyDeleteMy fingers are crossed for you, as always, and I hope that your therapist is the right one, but it is like all of us, we all think differently, work differently, have ideas on how things have to be managed, we are all different, and surely not everybook on mental health and study and training suits all, we are individuals with different needs. Am I running on too much?!!! Yes!! Time to disappear x
Thanks Niecey. I just have the one session with the psych and a follow up. Don't really know how it all works with referrals and all that - I just have to hope the system works. I'm so glad to hear your daughter is working with a psychologist and the relationship is productive. That's really good news. Hope you are taking care of yourself too. X
DeleteMe? Sadly, can't go there at the moment Med. N.
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