Socks See Off Depression

With the Easter break in full swing, thousands of holiday makers anticipating an enjoyable long weekend will instead be met with the misery that accompanies traffic delays and time with family. In doing so they will get a taste for what is becoming a growing epidemic, the malaise of depression. According to the Health Organisation of the World depression is set to afflict one in four of us, or put another way, a quarter of each of us.

From Top: Ben, desperate depression sufferer;
John from S4S; Prof Kirk's Sock Applicator;
New Swedish Sock Suspenders

Professor Kirk from the Institute of Depression said “depression is no joke, it is much worse than a bad back, in a way.” He added: “Without the work of our institute, depression would see the economy grind to a halt as shoppers close curtains and take phones off the hook”. He explains: “The secret rests in elevating the Sock Line (SL) relative to the ankle so that the sock is itself at its maximum tension” or put simply, that pulling up our socks can indeed pull us out of depression.

Father of two and depression suffer, Ben (pictured anonymously) said: “Other people don’t realise how hard it is. I often can’t even find my socks, and when I do I’m having to pull them up every five minutes. They don’t always go with what I’m wearing either” (Ben gestures desperately towards his sandals, pictured).

It’s difficult not to be touched by Ben’s story and the stories of many others like him. Thankfully, the work of Professor Kirk brings renewed hope. “We recognise the difficulties that arise when applying socks and found our patients responded favourably to Sock Applicator Therapy (SAT)”. SAT is helping hundreds in a pilot programme across the UK to return to therapeutic levels of sock wearing. The simple device slips over the open sock and allows toes to easily be aligned with the sock neck (pictured).

Local footballer and general team player, John (25, single) said “I’ve been using SAT for my depression for a few months now. It’s helped me enormously and the lads have really got behind it.” The club now champion charity Socks for Solidarity (S4S) which sees players pull their socks up together before each match in unity against depression (pictured).

As for the problem of socks falling from the requisite therapeutic height, a Swedish company has stepped in with a unique solution, the Sock Suspender (pictured). When used in conjunction with a shirt, Uric Jenova, inventor and mental health entrepreneur, guarantees elevated moods correlating with sock height. The Sock Suspender is awaiting a decision on its UK licence from the Board of Supplementary Therapies following revelations that trials were conducted on mice wearing tiny little socks.

Peter Fellows, holiday maker and depression sufferer remarks: “Personally I don’t see the problem with socks and sandals.”

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