I am trying. Please don't judge me. All I have left in me to do is write. I dressed and went to find the jump start my father lent me. I followed the instruction but nothing happened ... the van just grumbled for a brief time. Fail. So I went back inside and here I am. I don't have much resilience do I. But don't judge me. This is my best for now. Being dressed is an advance on yesterday and so is opening the front door. With a little encouragement or even a kick I might even shower. Just not right now.
This is the disgusting face of depression. I want your understanding but I expect you can barely look at me. This is the ugliest form of humanity. All that potential, all those perfectly healthy limbs and organs, just being wasted. And the self pity. That is to lie in the gutter and not even bother to get up.
Leave me here. I'll be alright. It will pass.
I just can't imagine. The things I go through aren't like what's going on with you, and of course all I can to is to send good wishes your way and to remind you that after your down cycle will come an up cycle. And to wish it happens sooner rather than later.
ReplyDeleteThanks Ami a message from you is another log on the fire of human kindness. Keeps me warm. Your warm wishes a gratefully received.
DeleteYou got up, you got dressed, you took on something that wasn't working and attempted to get it to work. Now look back to not too long ago when you would have had your head under the covers saying I can never get it to work cos nothing ever work or gets better things only get worse. There was a time you wouldn't even have been able to try. You've come a very long way.
ReplyDeleteProgress isn't never giving up....progress is giving up today and, maybe, trying again tomorrow.
For the record....I bought one of those chargeable jump-start things when I had a less reliable car. I got it to work twice and after that it just never seemed to work for me again - Try jump-leads and a friend with a car you can attach them to. It might work....or you might need a new battery! Yup, the wonder of technology - we're all wondering what the hell it's doing :-)
Zx
Cheers z. One to remember. Tomorrow is another day. X
DeleteYour writing is beautiful. But I remember you can draw and paint too - had you thought of returning to it? (You probably forget that you were the smartest and most talented kid in class).
ReplyDeleteThat's really kind of you mate and those are generous words. I had a chat to a lady at mind at they run drop in art workshops. That sounds interesting to me. No pressure just space to vanish and express. And to just see what happens. I need to be in a better place, or catch myself on a good day to get down there but it's good we talked because I'll pursue it with a bit more determination now. Thank you as always.
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