Fixed Smile

The medication seems to have kicked in, well at least I’m guessing that’s what it is. Each morning I’m finding waking that little bit easier… a good sign. The feeling is strange, but I’m not complaining. There is a buoyancy to my mood, and a sort of … I don’t know what to call it…. A feeling of… apathy… lovely, anxiety free apathy.


I say it is a strange feeling because there is plenty to be anxious about. I haven’t paid any money in for a little while… no idea what’s in the account but know for sure that it wasn’t enough to cover all this months outgoings. Had some letters too from creditors… the threatening kind. Also had a very big job, scheduled in as the next one, suddenly just cancel leaving the diary a mess. Financially, we are in a place where when things break… they stay broken because we can’t afford to replace them.


All this just seems to be washing over me today. I don’t seem to be capable of caring about any of it. Obviously, I’ll talk this through with Alicia and together we’ll see what needs to be done because I think we can safely say I can’t be trusted to take care of things!


Motivation is still low… Left to do things alone I don’t achieve a great deal. The tiredness continues… the second set of blood results should be in today so we can see what that thyroid has been up to. But best of all, I just don’t seem to care about any of it at the moment and that's a very welcome break.